Monday feels like Monday again because I let myself be totally at home and not at work this weekend. So I was in a good routine this morning of checking emails and scheduling tasks for the day. I hate to say that did not last long. My brain is having a hard time staying on task and I find myself rotating through various things and not sticking to anything for long.
I ran out of alfalfa today so went to the local family-owned feed store in town on my way to the post office. The owner, a man at least in his 70s, was the only person there and I didn't realize this until he was dragging a bale of alfalfa toward my car. I typically get two bales but decided to let him load only one (with my help) and not put him through anymore.
While I was checking out, I asked him about my hens that quit laying. He suggested adding a little bit of chili powder to their feed. He said if they are not moulting (I don't think they are), they should start laying right away because it helps warm them up. It has been really cold lately. I'll give it a try.
I needed a couple of things at the grocery store and as I approached the entrance I was struck by how clean it looked. The windows were gleaming and I've never seen it cleaner. I noticed this throughout the store. It is still disconcerting and disorienting that things are missing from shelves. They moved the onions and garlic in the produce department and I was roaming around in a circle worried they had run out. I was so focused on the possibility of not getting any that I didn't notice I'd walked by them twice before finally seeing them. I tried to joke with the cashier about how asking customers if they found everything they need is probably not a good query at the register these days. I think that wearing a mask makes it really difficult for people to "get" humor and I had to explain myself. It was awkward when I was trying to break tension and bring smiles.
I read an article today about how this ongoing fight or flight stress can make us forgetful. It was a relief to read about other people having this problem too. One woman got into the shower with her glasses on. The littlest things that are routine at home are sometimes falling apart. I left my dinner dish out last night, which I never do. One day I started to put coffee grounds into my vape pen. Thankfully I caught myself in time.
When I need comfort and to calm myself so I can try to get to sleep, I recite in my head over and over a childhood bedtime prayer my mom taught me.
Oh God I thank you for being good to me.
Bless Mommy and Daddy, those I love, and all children.
Amen.
I was really distressed two nights ago when I could not remember the first line of that prayer. All that would run through my head was "bless Mommy and Daddy, those I love, and all children." That's all I could grasp for a long time until finally the first line popped into my head. I guess the most important line is the one I was remembering. Now I know I'm not losing it nor sliding into dementia. It's this crazy fight or flight stress that we are all enduring for weeks, moving into months.
Lily got out again late afternoon. She ran away from me when I approached, so I put alfalfa in the pen for the other goats. As I was closing the gate, I noticed she was walking toward me, so I waited. Then she walked calmly up to me to be let in so she could have some alfalfa too.
While I started to record Lily, she walked away and I was distracted by the sound of hummingbirds in the bottle brush. I sought to get them on video and was surprised that there were dozens of butterflies in the bush.
The beautiful background music in the video is called Back to Portland and is attributed to TrackTribe.
The goats were rambunctious when it came time to put them in the barn, and Salsa was chasing Lily while they were both on leashes in my hands at the barn door. When Salsa gets hyperfocused like that, it does not matter that she is wearing a halter that is squishing her face. I sometimes tie her away from the other goats so I can get them moved, but I didn't do that tonight. In the ruckus, she slammed her whole body into the front of my knee. It hurts but I think it will be fine. If I have a bruise tomorrow, at least I'll remember where this one came from.
I go out to the end of my driveway and to the main drive for howling with my neighbor. The cows have been there every night this week. Sometimes they look at me and then run. I decided to record the big white cow in front of me at the beginning of howling. I think I am beyond caring if I embarrass myself these days by sharing something silly like this.
The cow was not impressed. She probably wonders what is wrong with me. 🤣🤣🤣
I'm running masks through an assembly line system, doing each step on all of them rather than making individual masks one at a time. It seems to be working well. All of the pieces are together and I am working on ties that I can finish tomorrow.
I am going to bed before 2:00 a.m. - I hope to be sleeping by
We are well and listening to real coyotes howling tonight. I hope you are well too.
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