Monday - Day 105

I woke up with a headache this morning.  It went away pretty quickly.

My breathing felt better today though I was pretty tired.  I didn't get much sleep last night.

The baby birds are still bird-piled and Mama is at the nest often.  When I check on them, they have moved position though I'm kind of worried about them.  I would have expected them to be more active by now.

The greenhouse was pulled apart again last night.  But I didn't think about putting the camera out until it was too dark for me to feel comfortable out there.  I'll try to remember tomorrow and hope to figure out what it is messing around in there.

I love seeing the pine cones change on what I think is a Blue Spruce on my walk to the end of the driveway each evening.

It was an okay busy Monday.  It still feels weird to work from home.

Lily has gotten out of the pen two days in a row now.  Aaaand, I still need to set up a camera there too.

We are well.  I hope you are too.

Sunday - Day 104

I let myself sleep later today.  It took a while to get moving but I got there.

I made the simple syrup for limoncello in the morning and while that was cooling, made enchilada sauce.  Then our grocery order was ready at Jessi's so Bex and I headed down together.

But two miles out, the car shuddered.  Then did it again.  It wasn't a suspension feeling, but acceleration, so there's something going on with fuel.  I think.  And it has a full tank of gas.  Of course.  Because nothing goes wrong unless there's a full tank you can't use.

Bex called AJ to play a game and I meant to call dad to talk about the car.  But I'll do that later.

I cooked some chicken for the enchiladas, and finished and bottled the limoncello.  Now I need to start another batch of limoncello so in a month when this is gone, I'll have more. 

Mama bird was with her babies a lot today.  I snapped a picture, but they are still "dogpiled." 

I'm starting to figure out why things are so hard this week.  It's layers.  It's Tim's birthday, on which he would have been 56.  He's been gone 30 years.  Then there's Eric's death too close to other anniversaries of other young deaths in this family.  Then there's the anniversary of Tim's death next month, and this is the summer of low mood and has been for 30 years.

Add to that the COVID ongoing crazy.  Over 100 days without seeing my parents.  Over 100 days without hugging anyone but Bex.  Last weekend, Tammy and I were going to be at Country Summer.  I just got a reminder that Bex and I were going to see Sheila E. at the Marin Fair on this coming Friday.  And that fair is canceled.  Sonoma's fair is canceled.  The rodeo was canceled.  Life is so bizarre. 

I have had this stupid focus the last two days on my breath.  There are times that I draw a big breath and it feels like I can't fill my lungs.  It's like dropping the hammer at the fair and the puck goes all the way up just below the bell and you can't ring it.  I couldn't quite fill my lungs 9 times out of 10.  And I've been trying too often. 

But I remember I did this as a child.  There were times I had this same sensation and it would bother me so much, and then it would go away without me even noticing.  I think it's stress.  I think it's compounded stress and I am going to figure out a way to calm the fuck down.

So I shut down the computer and phone and did more around the house.  It helped.  The enchiladas were delicious and it felt good to be able to make every component (except tortillas - for now) from scratch.  The croutons were a perfect addition to Caesar salad.  It was a better summer night.  And as I started to wind this night's blog entry up, I realized that I hadn't been focused on breathing for hours, and I could easily take a deep breath.  So I'm going to unplug more and find a way to handle stress better.

We are still well.  I hope you are too.

Saturday - Day 103

I slept a little later today but still felt really tired.

The baby birds are still there and mama showed up this morning - I was worried 'cause I hadn't seen her since yesterday afternoon.  That doesn't mean she wasn't there.  I just need confirmation they're all okay from time to time.

This guy was in my car yesterday, flying near the passenger window.  Just as I started to roll it down so it could escape, it crawled suddenly into the window area.  I thought it would come out or blow out, but it didn't.  I watched all the way down the driveway, and then rolled the window up to see if it would move.  It didn't.  Oops.  I don't see that it is hurt, so maybe it was on its way out anyway?

I made seasoned croutons in the air fryer from sourdough bread that had gone stale, and they turned out really good.  They were really easy to make, and no heat in the kitchen from the oven.

Then I started sourdough pretzels and let the dough sit until it started to cool down in the evening. 

I had planned to make enchilada sauce and cook chicken and finish the limoncello but I needed some down time too. 

I'm pretty tired so hoping to get to bed early.

We are well.  I hope you are too.

Friday - Day 102

I woke up with the alarm.  I was feeling kind of blah and did not really want to get up yet.  It helps to motivate when there's sun in your eyes.

Got some work done in the morning.  A lot of back and forth and I am looking forward to the weekend break.

Mama bird stayed on her nest most of today but I was able to peek in the afternoon and saw that all four eggs have now hatched. 

I made more salsa this evening.  I forgot that I was using fresh habaneros instead of the peppers that I dried from last year, and I used a whole one.  Whoo-ee that salsa is hot.  It's not too bad, but definitely more than I am used to making.  It tastes really good and smokey though, and I am still really pleased with the new recipe I've been using.

The most recent infusion for limoncello is ready to finish up this weekend, and then to start a new batch.  I just finished the last of what I had from the last one. 

I'm looking forward to a breather this weekend.

We are well.  I hope you are too.

Thursday - Day 101

Day 101.  I had some difficulty going to sleep last night and was pretty tired when the alarm went off, but not too bad.

Some aggravating things to deal with at work.

I did check the nest and saw that another egg has hatched.  One left!

I took a nap this afternoon for a little bit.  I'm not sure it helped but it felt good for awhile.

I'm hoping for some good sleep tonight and better energy tomorrow.

But we are well.  I hope you are too.

Wednesday - 100th day in a Different World

I slept okay but didn't feel so well when I got up when the alarm went off.

And then the morning started off really hard.  My cousin, who is around the age of my oldest daughters, was killed in a car accident.  Too young, too soon, too tragic in the fucking month of June.  Summers are supposed to be about celebrating and yet our family spends too much of it in grief.  I had a hard time concentrating and finally emailed my boss and assistant that I was taking the rest of the day off and why.

And yet there's new life today too.

I did a quick check of the nest this morning and two of the baby birds had hatched. 

In good news today as well, the hammock stand I had ordered a while back arrived today.  Bex and I set it up in the afternoon and look forward to some relaxing and meditation and much needed stress relief.  I was amazed at how relaxed I felt the instant I settled into it.

I worked in the garden again this evening.  The garden is coming together.

I was a little late in getting these into the ground but they'll grow fast now.

The big goats were buttheads.  I was so tired after working in the garden and they wouldn't cooperate.  So I sat in the car for a while after taking the little ones to the barn.  They were calling out and pretty upset at being left behind.  I went back to get them, and they ran away again.  So I texted and then finally called for Bex.  Of course, Salsa let me catch her as soon as Bex showed up.  Then putting Lily in the barn door, she took a sharp right instead of going inside and escaped again.

I'd love to go back into the hammock to relax for a while but...  Mosquitos.

Bex says she has a net that will go over it.

Bex made lasagna from scratch for dinner with salad and it was delicious.  That's when my gardening and hammock stand building today hit.  After a shower I felt like I had worked out and everything hurt. 

We are well.  I hope you are too.

Tuesday - Day 99

The alarm woke me up and I had a deadline to meet, so even though I didn't want to get up, I did.  The interesting thing is that my sleep score on the app was the highest it has ever been.  I was beginning to think that a higher score wasn't attainable.  I felt fine and ready to tackle the day.

Which was a good thing.  It was a day filled with legal conundrums and even international sticky issues.  It's hard to turn your brain off at the end of the day when things are still so unsettled.

I did put some soil in one of the garden beds to finally get some of the plants in.  It will feel good to get those better established than in the pots they are currently in. 

Bex and I spent some time together after a light dinner.  I'm feeling disjointed again.  Maybe it's coming up on 100 days tomorrow since I had a regular schedule in a world without daily stress overhanging everything.  I finally shut off all news sources this evening to try to catch a break for a little bit.

We are well.  I hope you are too.

Monday - Day 98

I woke up before the alarm this morning, despite having a hard time going to sleep.  Basically it was that it was too hot to sleep, then I got cold, pulled the covers up, and couldn't go back to sleep.

A heavily focused day at work and not much else until 5pm.

I just didn't have the energy to do much today, not much cooking, and feeling pretty low.  I was on a late work call when the 8pm alarm went off for howl, so I missed that tonight. 

The goats cooperated mostly.

Mama bird is spending more time on her nest and doesn't fly away as soon as I get near.  It's kind of hard to avoid her as we need to use that door sometimes, but she is probably used to it by now.

We are well and trying to figure this all out.  I hope you are too.

Sunday - Day 97

I slept in and slept pretty well.

It was pretty clear as soon as I woke up that it was going to be a hot day.  I shut everything down early, but it still might have been too late.

There was no activity recorded on the camera we set up in the back last night.  We'll keep trying.

The same day I discovered the greenhouse had been entered, I noticed that a single rosebud I'd been following its progress was gone.  When I looked under where it had been on the bush, I saw it had fallen as if something had cut it off.  I put it into a vase and hoped it would bloom, and it has.  These are my favorite roses, called Mr. Lincoln, and they smell rich and deep the way roses are supposed to smell.  I pick it up to enjoy the fragrance every time I am near it in the kitchen.

I started more dough for pretzels and then headed down to Jess's to pick up groceries that had been delivered.  I did the weekly fridge reorganization, but not much from the grocery run went in there - it's mostly produce.  We have so much sour cream I think I need to make ranch dressing just to make sure it's used.

I have some transcription to try to keep up with.

Bex went to see my parents for Father's Day.  She reported they had chairs set up inside and outside so they could visit through the window.  She enjoyed seeing them.  She had to pee as soon as she arrived but was going to wait until after their visit to find a restroom.  Nothing was open that was easily accessible, and the line outside the grocery stores was long.  She headed home as quickly as she could, knowing she could stop on the side of the road if need be.  I had the door open for her to rush in as soon as I heard her drive up.

I started a St. John's Wort tincture today.  I trimmed flowers and leaves from the plant, after carefully examining it to make sure it met every criteria, and it did, in every detail.  These plants are growing next to Loretta.  I think there are more near the goat pen that I'll check this evening to see if they are blooming.  This tincture won't be ready to strain until the first of August, right around the time I get to try the watermeloncello and see how that turned out.

I baked the pretzels when it started to cool down.  These are even better than yesterday.  I made them into sticks again because the dough was sticky but it has an even better sourdough flavor and light and chewy texture.  I brushed a couple of them with garlic butter but found I didn't like it as much as the plain pretzels.

Bex and I watched Gordon Ramsey in Tasmania tonight.  Then to bed to get ready for a busy week.

We are well.  I hope you are too.

Saturday - Day 96

It wasn't too hot last night so I'm not sure why I had such a hard time sleeping.  I slept late but felt like I'd been run over and had a headache.

Something big got into the greenhouse last night.  Whatever it was, it moved the greenhouse enough to pull the posts out that hold the base together.  Bex and I set a camera up in the back tonight to see if we can capture anything.

I got some pretzels started this morning and let the dough rest for a couple hours to develop more sourdough flavor.  By the time I started to work with it, it had gone all "sourdough" on me, meaning sticky, sticky, sticky.  Thankfully Jess had talked to me about how to handle sourdough - with wet hands.  There was no way to roll it into ropes or twist it.  Trying to twist it, they ended up a blob.  So I decided to pull the dough into strips and make soft pretzel sticks.  I put them in the oven after it cooled down.  They were really good!  Bex and I kept going back for more.  "Want to split one with me?"  And then shortly after, we split another one.  Soft, chewy, slightly crisp on the bottom and edges, just the right amount of salt.  I have a lot of discard built up in the fridge, so I am thinking about making some tomorrow with maybe garlic and herbs.

Jess ordered groceries for us that I will pick up from her doorstep tomorrow.

We made pizza and watched a little bit of Gordon Ramsey's cooking adventures. 

We are well.  I hope you are too.

Friday - Day 95

I snoozed the alarm today after a fitful night but got in 8 hours.  I think that's the most in about 90 some-odd days.

It meant hitting the ground running for work, but that was okay.  Nice thing is I can make the coffee and start in my jammies.

J was scheduled for transplant surgery at 2pm today.  He called about 1am when he got word and was packing to go to the hospital in SF.  Everything was delayed until he said he was heading in to the OR at just before 5pm.  I received a text from the hospital that the surgery began at 7:20 pm.  A call from the doctor two hours later provided reassurance that all went well.

I ordered hay and chicken feed, and took off to have it loaded into my vehicle curbside.  After I got home, Tamily stopped by with a chicken treat and we enjoyed watching them learn how to get the fruit out of it.  We visited at a distance outside for a bit and Em got to play with the goats.  It's strange not to hug each other but being able to see each other is a nice treat.

I'm looking forward to the weekend.

We are well.  I hope you are too.

Thursday - Day 94

I heard the coyotes as I was going to bed last night.  This was the first time in months.  I really thought we had scared them away with all the humans howling.  My neighbor saw a deer recently and said she's been seeing big coyote prints in the small vineyard at the upper edge of the property.

I woke before the alarm and felt okay.

The morning was pretty productive for work.  But we are all struggling right now emotionally.  This is hard.  One of the disadvantages to working from home is that it can be difficult to leave work for home.  I have to resist checking office e-mails when I am off the clock because it is important to make sure to separate that time. 

The afternoon got hot again.  Not as bad inside as it has been in the past but still super uncomfortable.  I'm looking forward to a cool-down over the next few days.

We are hanging in there.  It's been a rough patch the past couple of days, but we know it will pass.

We are well.  I hope you are too.

Wednesday - Day 93 - Critters and Family

My brain was racing again last night, so it was hard to get to sleep.  I slept past the alarm.

And then it was a super busy day for work.  I need a day off!

The camera didn't record anything unusual last night.  

Bella knows when it's dinnertime.  She has gotten used to being fed at 5:00 instead of just whenever I get home from work.  So now she barks like clockwork right at 5:00 p.m.  She gets her breakfast when I roll out of bed, so she never has to remind me then.

I almost forgot to howl tonight.  To save time, I went out the front door to howl from the deck rather than take my usual walk to the end of the driveway.  I was tired and feeling really low.  As I opened the door, I saw a bird suddenly fly away quickly.  I wondered about that.  And after I'd howled a couple times, I carefully looked at the top of the light fixture next to the door.

And then I carefully aimed my phone camera over what I saw.

And here it is.

I discovered a bigger nest in the same exact location in May 2014.  We saw the babies after they hatched and I was able to capture some beautiful photos of them with their little beaks open.  And on the 31st of May that year, I discovered the empty nest in the driveway and was heartbroken.  Bex and I are trying to figure out a way to help protect this nest without interfering with mama.  I'll keep you posted.

Dad called tonight and I had a chance to talk with him and Mom for a while.  His Father's Day card arrived yesterday and he called to thank me.  I ordered it back in April, along with Mom's for Mother's Day, because I had a feeling we wouldn't be able to see them on their special days.  LovePop cards are really cool and you can personalize the card with your message and have the company mail it for you.  

The big goats were being stupid again tonight, so I hooked leads on the little ones and walked them to the barn first.  When I came back to Salsa and Lily, I apparently forgot to turn the electric fence off.  It's a pulse, so if I move fast enough and hit it at the right time, it is entirely possible for me to unhook the gate, grab the post, punch it into the ground, and let go without feeling a thing.  I stepped in to grab Salsa's collar, brushed my arm against the fence, and felt that zap all the way up to my shoulder. 

I yelled in pain and surprise.

Loud.

No one heard me.

I pulled out my phone to call Bex to ask her to help because I was upset.  It had been a hard day and I'd had enough.  She had just happened to wonder if I was doing chores and if I needed help, and as the phone started to ring, I saw her walking toward me.  I asked if she'd heard me yell, but she hadn't.

Maybe I need to howl next time.  That echoes.  But it wouldn't help much inside the house, where fans create white noise and the dryer is going and the dishwasher is running and Q is playing a game.

I'm okay, though my shoulder ached for a while.  The reason I got this type of fencing is that it won't hurt me but it will deter critters from testing it.  I have a feeling that Lily hasn't escaped since I put the new battery in, but I can't be sure because I didn't note the date.  We'll see.

It is hot in the house, and though a breeze would help cool it down, I'm okay without a breeze.  Wind bothers me always, and especially during another early fire season.

I'm hot and had a good cry today but I am lucky to have people who love me and whom I love, and to be safe and well at home.

We are still well.  I hope you are too.

Tuesday - Day 92

It was hard to get to sleep again last night but I felt like I slept better than that when the alarm went off.

The camera captured nothing last night.  I think I had it pointed a little low and will try again tonight.  The test images it did produce were very clear.

I tested out the air fryer with some seasoned potatoes.  I followed the recipe to a T but dang, they were salty.  Otherwise, they were really good and very easy and did not heat up the house.

It was nice to be able to share the video I've been working on today.  I'm looking forward to more projects such as this.

I made more salsa this afternoon so we can reheat tamales from last night for dinner.  Bex picked up a "sundae kit" from Baskin Robbins for dessert.

It's funny that now I have a camera trained on the goat pen, Lily is not escaping.  But then again, she hasn't gotten out for a few days.  It is very periodic.  I've aimed the camera for the night on a different spot and will see if anything shows up when I review tomorrow morning.

I continue to howl at 8 with my neighbor.  Often other neighbors join in now, which makes it more fun.  We tend to take turns.  I wish we could get more involved so all of us could just go for it and join in for one big howl.  We've been waiting I think to get that confirmation someone else is out there with us.  It feels good to hear it.

Still no coyotes.

A late night tonight after a late dinner.  I got a on a roll transcribing and lost track of time.  Almost done with this project and hope to complete it in the morning.

We are well.  I hope you are too.

Monday - Day 91

Oh, today did not start off well.  I slept as long as I could, turning off the alarm.  I had a hard time going to sleep and kept waking up.  I felt like crap.  No energy and just wanted to cry.  I didn't want to clock in for work.

I was able to get some work done this morning.

Bex had a good idea to get an air fryer and I went in on the purchase with her.  It is so cool!  Literally!  We can cook without heating the house up.  And there are so many things we can do that are healthier for us.  I am looking forward to exploring what this machine can do.

I made tamales today with leftover chicken filling from the enchiladas.  It was easier than I expected and very good!  I just need a bigger steamer or figure out a way to steam more than four at a time.  When making only a dozen, it wasn't too bad.  I just did them in shifts.

The camera arrived today and I tested it out by pointing it at the goat pen this afternoon.  Lily didn't escape of course.  It's aimed at the chicken coop tonight.

Hung out with Bex for a little bit tonight. 

We are well.  I hope you are too.

Sunday - Day 90!

I slept in a little later today and then finished the video I've been working on.

Then I just read.  Took a short nap.  I was pooped.  I picked up on transcription again in the afternoon.

It felt like I was just moving through a fog today.  We ate dinner late and I watched a movie I wish I hadn't wasted time on.  But that's the way it goes with movies sometimes.

Hoping for a better and more focused day tomorrow.

But we are well.  I hope you are too.

Saturday - Day 89

It was a pretty sleep overall last night.  I slept past when my alarm would normally go off.

I did some transcription, worked on a video project, more transcription.  It's easier inside the house today - not nearly as hot as it has been.

I was able to spend some time with Bex this evening and the goats mostly behaved at dinnertime.  Lily ran past me out of the gate but it was easy to catch her.  Walk to the grain bin, she comes up beside me.  She did dodge me reaching for her, but jumped onto the milk stand, then came to me to see if I had any food.  Easy to snag her collar for the walk to the barn - where there was also food!

I spotted scat on the driveway near the house for the second time this week, so I went ahead and ordered a camera.  The one I have has not been cooperating.

One interesting thing about wildlife around here is that we haven't heard coyotes since we started howling.  I wonder if we scared them off?

We are well.  I hope you are too.

Friday - Day 88

Sleep keeps getting better.

This morning I decided to put Salsa into the pen before Lily.  She kept turning around as we walked, trying to get to Lily who I had on a long lead behind us.  Salsa went in, and headed to the nearest bit of hay.  It looked like it would be easy.  But as soon as I unclipped Lily's halter, she surprised me by pulling her head out and swiftly walking away!  I looked at her in exasperation as she started nibbling on oak leaves nearby.  I shut the pen, and walked past her to the feed bin, not even looking at her.  As soon as I had it open, there she was, jumping onto the milk stand in anticipation of a reward.  I walked over, took her by the collar, put down the scoop of goat pellets, and walked her back to the pen.  Crazy f**king goats.

As I was working early this morning, I was surprised to hear what sounded like rain.  When I checked, indeed it was raining.  So I made quick trip outside to cover the hay.  It didn't last long and by noon the sun was starting to shine through the clouds.

The day turned out to be mild and pleasant.  A relief from the heat!  I worked comfortably in the afternoon and when I clocked out, started making salsa.  As I began, a friend called and we had a great conversation about choices and peace and goals and metaphors and it made for a really nice interlude at the end of the work day. 

I decided to have leftover enchiladas for dinner and make 'em better with a bit of salsa.  I know the next time I make enchiladas they'll be better.  These didn't suck but were part of a learning process.  The leftovers were good with some extra sauce and salsa.

I got the chance to have a good chat with Tam.  Then spent some time tonight with Bex, watching a TV show and painting our nails.

I'm looking forward to the weekend, though still have plenty of work to do.

We are well.  I hope you are too.

Thursday - Day 87

I slept on top of the covers for the first half again last night but did sleep well.  Woke before the alarm again though.

I yelled in tears at Salsa this morning after she went after Lily and hurt my finger again.  The same one that she tore and bent a couple months ago that has still not fully healed.  She burned the lead line through my hand and bent that finger.  I cannot understand after 11 years why they cannot pay attention to the person with the lead instead of another goat who is 10 feet away and not bothering them.  I put Lily in first but Salsa wants in first.  But if I put Salsa in first, she blocks me from putting Lily in.  So f**k.  There is no winning strategy with those two unless there are two of us moving them between pen and barn and keeping them completely separated.

I have been having a ton of trouble reading my monitor, which is at least 10 years old at this point.  It makes the remote work I need to do very difficult, and this morning I hit a wall in a required task.  So I did some research and found one on sale that will work better.  I ordered for curbside pickup, and Bex and I headed out to pick it up together, get headlights for both of our cars (they've both gone out at the same time), and she ran in to grab a couple items from the grocery store.  Sanitizing all the way.

The monitor feels huge but it is much easier to see and that helps.

Q went to the City for a safely socially distant "bomb hills" skateboarding protest from Twin Hills to the Embarcadero. 

Planned Route

Photo from Mercury News

We had it all planned out that when Q returned I'd go to the front of the house so he could take off his outer clothing in the laundry room, drop his clothes in the washer, and then head straight to the shower.  He showed me some pictures after he was done and nursing sore muscles.  It was a pretty amazing event, and he felt good about participating in something that was safe and made just for him - skateboarding.

Bex and I made the enchiladas tonight.  They were good, though I think I needed more sauce.  The first time making a recipe is always a challenge.  Top that off with the sauce being made from a written recipe and the enchiladas from ... a TikTok video. 🤣🤣🤣 It has the potential once I get the balance down.  The chicken filling was delicious!

I'm pooped and it was too hot today.  I'm looking forward to a cool night's sleep.

We are well.  I hope you are too.

Wednesday - Day 86

Last night was better, even though it started so hot I slept on top of the covers.  At some point I grabbed the extra blanket I keep at the foot of the bed and used just that to finish the night.

It was basically a work day and a disappointing and frustrating one at that.  But I did get a chance to speak with my coworker on the phone for a bit this morning and that was a good thing.  As much as I am enjoying getting into the groove of working remotely, I do miss seeing her.

The day warmed up quickly and by 1:00 p.m. was uncomfortable in the house.   By the time I did chores at 8:00 p.m., I was sweating while wrangling goats who would not cooperate. 

I had planned to make enchiladas tonight but was dreading turning the oven on when Bex offered to pick up pizza.  So it was a pizza night instead.  I'm hopeful to a break in the heat so we can cook again.  I did make the enchilada sauce from scratch, though, so that is a good thing.  It's in the fridge.

The world is still crazy and most people are still trying to create something better.  I hope to see more setting aside of ego and needing to be "right" and seeking to find a way to help each other better.

We are well.  I hope you are too.

Tuesday - Day 85

I woke up before the alarm today.  I tried to go back to sleep but couldn't.

After a couple hours of work, I called in an order to the feed store and headed out to pick it up.  This was the first time the clerk seemed less than happy to help on the phone.  I'm sure phoning in for pick-up is not as appreciated as it was when the doors were closed, but I will be doing it for as long as possible.

I had hoped to hit the farmer's market on the way home but I think I missed it by a day.

Bex was able to make a run to pick up a game system that Angelo has saved for but has been unable to find in stock.  Mandi learned that a local store would have 10 in stock and would be making them available at 10:00 a.m.  While Bex was paying for the system, the clerk answered a call and told the person on the other end of the line that he was selling the second to last one they had available.  AJ has worked really hard to earn this money and Mandi said he was near tears with excitement when he heard Bex had been successful.  They were able to come by to pick it up this afternoon, and we sat appropriately distanced and masked outside while Bex showed him how to use it and his mom set it up.  Sissy played Barbies and went to look at the chickens and gather an egg with Bex.  It is still really hard not to hug them.

We smelled smoke in the evening.  It is probably from the fire in Mendocino or the controlled burn at Highway 12 but it is still stress inducing.

Not much else the rest of the day.  I didn't bake as I'd planned - too much in the morning and too hot in the afternoon.  Maybe tomorrow.

We are well.  I hope you are too.

Monday - Day 84

I slept through the alarm today.  Thankfully it was cooler and the barn wasn't too hot when I got out there.

I tried a new method of making sourdough bread in the bread machine yesterday.  I put all the ingredients in last night and mixed the dough.  Then I turned the machine off and let it sit overnight.  I started the machine again this morning to make the bread.

It looks funny but it tastes good.  Next time I'll do the same but will bake the bread in the oven.

Bex came out of her room at one point and asked if I'd made pretzels.  I was sorry to disappoint her.  But we can do that tomorrow.

I identified a few more things to pack for evacuation.  I need to find a three boxes to set aside for chicken transport.

I'm watching a fire up north.  It's pretty far from us right now but it was last year to begin with too so...  Winds are up tonight, though it was calm today.  Fire season is nerve wracking and now it's lasting most of the year.

We are well.  I hope you are too.

Sunday - Day 83 - Disjointed Day

Sleep was fine last night.  The house cooled down.  But I was still pretty tired when I got up this morning.

I worked this morning, though I'd hoped to work less this weekend.  I was able to start some sourdough bread and will see how that turns out.  I'm taking Jess's suggestion to let the loaf rest a long time and I'll finish the bread in the morning.

I took some time to read, weed whack, do some laundry.  The weather was perfect today - except for the damn wind. 

After dinner and time for bed, and I can't sleep because of the wind.  I have an overwhelming desire to hit the off switch and it is so frustrating to just deal with it and try not to worry.  I keep checking apps and news feeds and windows to be sure there is no danger.  It is exhausting but at the same time adrenaline fueled and I have a hard time concentrating on one thing.  Worse than what has become normal the past 83 days.

But with all that, we are well.  I hope you are too.

Saturday - Day 82

No alarm today, and 8 hours of nice sleep.  Whew.

I was able to finish the meloncello processing this morning.  Now to wait a couple months for it to rest.  It tasted good - really strong though.  That should mellow with time.

It was a slower work day but still working.  I am trying to take breaks to rest as well.  I have spent so much time at the computer this week.

Jess and I talked this afternoon about fire planning.  I put the boxes of memorabilia in the car so that is definitely safe if we have to move faster than we want to.  I'm going to pack some more equipment so it's ready just in case.

And then, Jess texted me this evening about another fire near us.  I'm grateful that she spots these early.  Last night's was on Westside.  Tonight was West Dry Creek, north of us.  I listened to the scanner and they had reports of two fires.  They checked out the second while wondering if it was an address mix-up, but there was another small fire 100x100 that they could knock down quickly.  This has me worried.  It's about the same time as last night and if there's a arsonist around setting these spot fires we have to find them and stop them now.  I'm beginning to think it might be a good idea for all of our neighbors to just head down to the road and sit in our driveways between 8:30 and 9:00 and keep an eye out, or maybe just take a drive up and down the road once.

We are well.  I hope you are too.

Thank God It's Friday - Day 81 - The Good, the Bad, and the Scary

I woke up crazy early again but that allowed me to beat a deadline easily.

It was cold enough this morning that I shut all the windows I'd left open to cool the house because it felt like fall/winter territory.  I put a sweatshirt on before sitting at the computer.

It was an intense and sometimes disappointing work day.  I took a short break in the morning to start a sourdough bread recipe in the bread machine to see how it would turn out.  It surprised me how good it was!  True sourdough flavor in the oddly shaped huge loaf that comes out of those machines.  Not too bad.

I was grateful it wasn't too hot today, though it did get a little warm indoors when the afternoon hit.  The good thing about bread machine baking is that it doesn't heat up the house.  No muss, no fuss, no oven, and really no clean-up except for a couple measuring devices used and the pan when you're done.  I have discovered the joy of baking by weighing ingredients instead of measuring them, so fewer measuring cups.  Fascinating and easy.

Lily got out again and came to the door for her late afternoon snack.

I got a call from Jess this evening.  She said not to panic but she wanted to let me know that a vegetation fire had shown up on PulsePoint in my area.  Not too close, but too damn close.  I got on the phone with Jon and he listened to the scanner with me while I packed.  Bex and Q started packing their things too.  What was helpful and sad is that Bex and I have a lot of things still packed from last year's evacuation.  We just needed to add a few things to it and then deal with the rest of the stuff we use regularly.  All of my most important memorabilia and photos, with the exception of the canvas portraits I posted on Facebook today, are still in a box from last year.  Work equipment, music gear, and animals is all we have left to pack.

We went outside to see if we could see or smell smoke, but could not see or smell anything.  Bex and I did see the gorgeous yellow full moon and we heard something in the bushes, so we got right back inside.

When I discovered that it was two spot fires near the roadway and they'd been put out, Bex and I cried.  The stress and anxiety we are already dealing with, and the nightmare we went through last year coming back up is hard.  Jess got her gear packed and by the door as well.  Because we all know that you never know, and it's time to get ready.  Which fucking sucks.

I have a mental list of what I need to do tomorrow to prepare further.  I'm actually grateful for the possibility of a little rain this weekend.  Keep that vegetation moist.

We are well.  I hope you are too.

Thursday - I Can't Believe it's Day 80

I felt like crap after waking before the alarm today.

But after chores, I was on a roll doing office work.  I felt like my feet were under me for the first time in the past 80 days.  But it was a long day with a lot of emergency work and I was wiped out by the time I was done. 

A couple of weeks ago I got a fly zapper to contend with the extras that showed up this year.  I have adjusted the delivery schedule for the fly predators so hope that will take care of the issue but it's nice to have this electric racket available when needed. 

This afternoon Bex noticed a wasp had gotten into the house.  She got the racket but was afraid to use it on a wasp, so I took it.  When the wasp took flight, I swung for the wasp like it was a tennis ball, and connected.  We saw the spark and heard the zap, and the wasp went flying into the window, landing in the groove at the bottom.  And then it climbed back up and flew out of reach.  Uh-oh.  Zombie Wasp is lurking in the house.  We couldn't get to it and I decided to leave it be.  I'm hopeful the wasp found its way out of the house.

We are well and safe.  I hope you are too.

Wednesday - Day 79

Despite the heat, I was able to sleep well, waking in the middle of the night to get under the covers as the house cooled down.  It was cold in the house in the morning, and if I'm uncomfortably cold then, it is usually better in the afternoon.

There isn't much to share today.  It was an intense work day and more planned for tomorrow.  I was able to order some groceries with Jess, and Bex picked up for me.  Lily got out but didn't try to walk into the house.  The Americauna hens are still on strike.   

It did warm up a lot in the afternoon but I'm hopeful for an easier time tomorrow and through the weekend.  Also hoping for a breather so I can get some things done in the kitchen and garden that aren't really easy to do when it's so hot.

We are well and safe.  I hope you are too.

Tuesday - Day 78 - Another Heat Wave

I slept hard last night, and slept through the alarm this morning.

The air was way too hot when I made it outside to take care of morning chores, so I switched my routine and got the goats out of the barn that was hot already at 9am first.

The morning was okay working in the house but no matter what I did, I couldn't keep the house cool.  We were all sweating in front of fans and drinking buckets of water by afternoon.  The house was still hot at 9:30 p.m. when I started writing this wrap-up of the day.

It's almost as if Mother Nature, when she heard us being grateful for the weather the past two days, said, "Hold my beer." 

I looked at better cooling systems this afternoon, but they are still too expensive for me to feel comfortable buying even one.  We'll get there and will do with what we have.  I'm hopeful that these hot streaks only last a couple days before we get a break.

I heard Lily walking on the driveway while I was working on the computer and then watched her walk up onto the deck.  I met her at the slider and asked if she was there for her evening snack.  I turned around to go to the back door to get some hay, heard a sound behind me, and turned to see Lily following me through the house.  I shooed her out and closed the door.  She stood there mournfully staring inside until she saw me come around the outside with hay, and then she followed me when I got a scoop of goat pellets.  (I used to call it grain even after I started them on pellets, because that's what I fed them for so long.  I'm trying to change my language so it's more accurate.)

Hoping for a good cooldown tonight but not looking forward to the predict 100 degrees the next two days.

We are well and safe.  I hope you are too.

Monday - Day 77 - What a Strange World

I woke up a little later today.  Better night.

I spent most of the day working or watching too much news.  I took a break for a while with Bex.  We are planning the garden that is almost ready but not in yet.

Lily is still not showing me how she gets out.  What is funny is that tonight all of the other goats came to me when it was time to go to the barn, but she kept walking away.  So I closed the gate and walked away with the rest to go to the barn.  She started yelling and watched me leave.  I really figured that I would find her loose when I headed back to the pen.  But she was still inside!  She was ready to go, though.

So this makes me wonder if the only time she gets out is maybe Salsa is chasing her and she jumps.  Still no camera.  But I'm working on it.

The world is weird today and tonight.  We are safe and well and watching and supporting.  I hope you are safe and well and loved.