Third Thursday - Day 17 - What to Do When Technology Sucks

I got seven hours of sleep last night.  I wasn't ready to get up this morning but it was easier when the sun hit the mirror and then my eyes.

Even though it's sunny outside, Oliver didn't want to go out.  He sat next to the open slider not moving and letting the cold air in for about 5 minutes before finally venturing through.  He's been in and out all day.

Even though I'm not working, I agreed to help out, and of course there was an emergency this morning.  I spent most of the morning with that and then tried to figure out how to rehearse miles apart with band members.  It's not an easy task.

On a more positive note, while chatting with others in a Facebook group about howling, I may have made a new friend. I love what she said:

I think when a group vocalizes together it triggers something beautiful and primal within us. Something hard wired in every one of us, and it definitely helps us feel our neighbors and peers and feel like we aren’t alone even now when we have to isolate for the community.

Much love my neighbor.

It included an invitation to meet up with her at her family winery and share quarantine stories when this mess is over.  Something to look forward to.

The afternoon was computer MESS stuff.  I do not know why everything had to be so technologically difficult.  I threw in the towel and made simple syrup to finish off the limoncello that has been brewing in the cupboard.  

Bex wonders sometimes why I keep a lot of sugar on hand.  We're talking two or three four-pound bags as a staple.  It used to be because of cajeta, which I'm not making anymore.  Now it's limoncello.  This is how much this batch (of approximately three liters) took.

700 grams

By the time I mixed the infused vodka into the simple syrup, it was time for dinner.  So part went into the fridge, part into the cupboard, and part into a glass with ice.  Typically I just like it chilled but I didn't want to wait so I added an ice cube to get it to  cool faster.

Howl was just me and Bex tonight.  But I still love the echoes and the anticipation and looking forward to hearing someone else join in someday.  There's time.  We'll be in this for at least another month, right?

We are well and figuring things out and trying not to get mad over small stuff today.  I hope you are well and finding ways to release your stress in a healthy way.  Howl at 8:00! It does help.

Wednesday - Day 16 - Hump Day #3

I got a head start at the remote office and then had a call with my boss.  We went over a lot of things that need to be done and also recognized that there is not enough to keep her staff on payroll.  M and I will continue to help out, but we are officially unemployed until this mess is over.

I don't know how to feel about that yet.  The whole world feels shaky.

On a lighter note.  My friend Tammy has been having a hard time finding eggs so I have been helping out with excess from my flock.  Eggs are being used more by people these days and they're snatching up the only kind Tam can have - organic and soy free.  I got 'em and am happy to share. 

I left a grocery bag at the gate with a dozen for her to pick up.  She and her daughter needed to get out of the house for a drive, and my road is a nice, relaxing one.  She left an empty carton for me in the bag.  But I forgot to let Bex know.  So when she went out to Door Dash, she called to ask if Tammy had picked up her eggs.  I explained what had happened and she said she was relieved to hear that.  She saw the bag and checked it, then wondered if someone had stolen the eggs and for some crazy reason left the carton behind. 😂😂😂

I found more leftovers for dinner, so no cooking.

The howl was fun tonight, echoing through the hills and trading back and forth with my neighbor and her dogs.

Garth and Trisha did a good job with their live in-studio show.  This new reality is so strange, though.  Everything is pared down, from concerts which used to be huge and impersonal with lots of flash, to from the heart quiet moments and even a few tears.

I think my body's telling me 2:00 a.m. bedtimes are no good anymore.  I got really sleepy by 10:00 p.m. and pushed it as long as I could but I'm off to bed by 10:30.

We are still well and finding our way in this crazy new landscape.  I veer from terror to hope and everywhere in between.  I hope you are well and finding your way.

Tuesday Epilogue Howl

After posting today's blog, I read and participated in some discussions about this new practice of howling at 8:00 p.m.  Some people are complaining that it is too late and disturbs their children's bedtimes.  I figure the children's bedtimes could be pushed back a half hour and let the kids participate - they don't have to get up for school the next day.

Some thought it was silly.  They preferred European songs or applause.  I get that.  Early on, I joked about wanting to sing Le Mis out of neighborhood windows.

But we're not that culture.  And every culture is different, and that's okay.

And howling can be uncomfortable for some.  I thought I would feel silly the first time I tried it.  The only other time I've howled has been jokingly back to the coyotes or to encourage my dog to howl with me.

But there was a primal release in that act.  I was outside.  I was lifting my face to the sky.  I heard the beautiful echoes floating across the valley in all directions.  I was saying out loud, "I am here.  I belong.  Where are you?" to my tribe.  My tribe is kind of scattered where I am right now.  But maybe as time goes on, this will grow here.  Who knows?  I would love to hear others joining in to tangibly let me know I'm not alone.

One mom (Cindy Flores) in a local group described her first experience this way:

Tonight was our fi[r]st night in our little private community ....and I didn’t even google it “why howling” but I gave this speech tonight to my older son (14 yrs  who looked at us (my daughter and I) like what the heck??

I said this to him:  

[It] is like we are communicating with the rest of the people outside and the people are responding and saying I’m here, I’m ok, I’m alive.....and while I said all that to him I can’t hold the tears that came out from my eyes ...and I told him ..it doesn’t matter we are at home, we are not alone!! And people are saying that howling ...no other language is needed ..So he came and hugged us and said I don’t understand but if that makes you happy I’m happy too ❤️

Her statement, "We are not alone" struck me.  Humans are social creatures.  We need each other.  We need connection and community quite literally to survive.  This shutdown is a huge change for us, and it just got extended a month and strengthened to boot.  And we don't know how much longer after that it will be extended.  Or how we will survive.

But we have community, and it is in the air at 8:00 p.m. and people are all together and raising voices and saying, "I am here.  You are not alone."

As a society, we have become disconnected in so many ways.  We have disassociated ourselves from nature and from the earth and from the wildlife we share the planet with.  Perhaps on some level this is us reestablishing that connection and grabbing hold of that primal memory.  Maybe it's a sign that we are ready to get real and grounded and connected again.  This final jolt of severing our contact with people perhaps woke us up.

So let your inhibitions go.  Go outside in your pajamas and with your hair falling down and your weariness and your fear and let it all go.  Lift your face to the sky in the cool spring evening and let your howl reach out to the world and may all that worry fall away.  I hope someone answers your call and that you feel that connection.  But even if you don't, I hope that cry brings you some joy and some peace and some release.

If It's Tuesday, This Must Be Day 15 - or Third Tuesday

Also known as Amanda's birthday, and the third birthday we have not been able to truly celebrate this month.

I didn't make it to bed by midnight last night after all.  I wasn't tired.  I watched a television show.  I read.  I played music and learned more about settings on the keyboard.  I set up the second keyboard (I've not used both since our last rehearsal ... eons ago). 

I ended up heading to bed at 2:00 a.m.  Not because I was tired but because I knew I needed to.  The last time I looked at the clock it was 2:20 a.m.  My alarm was set four hours later, and I turned it off when it started making noise.  I woke at 8:00 a.m.  I feel fine but know that I'm not getting enough sleep.

I got to see all of my girls at the same time - and grands! - though on video.  Mandi was so cute - she thought she knew what her gift might be and I didn't think she would - but she did have the general idea!  It was so fun to see her and Jess with their gifts together and be able to talk with all of them.  I miss them all so much.

While I was on the phone this afternoon, I heard clattering on the outside steps.  I looked out the slider and saw - Lily the goat!  She somehow escaped from the pen.  All of the other goats were still inside so she must have jumped the fence, which she is able to do if she really wants out.

She came to me when I stepped outside and because we were right at the door, I figured I'd take her inside to say hello to Becca.  Bex and Quincy were in her room and I knocked on the door.  When I opened it, I let Lily go in first and the reactions from them when Lily peered around the corner were hysterical. Oliver was quite upset at Lily showing up in the house.  I was laughing so hard I was crying the whole way to the pen.  Worth every second.

The black goat is Lily.

I dealt with the headache of WiFi versus Ethernet internet connection for remote band rehearsals.  This is going to be a lot more challenging than I thought it would be.

I used the rest of the pork and chorizo to make more taco fixings and put it on tostadas for dinner.  No more leftovers left so I will need to cook tomorrow.

Becca came out with me and howled!  My neighbor was going to howl with us tonight but she forgot and didn't have her phone nearby to get my five minute reminder.  She will try again tomorrow.  It still feels good, as did laughing with Bex all over again about Lily coming into her room.  She said she didn't know what that was coming into her room at first.  I'm laughing all over again thinking about it.

Time to wind down for the night.  We are all well and finding ways to laugh, which feels so good.  I hope you are well and finding time and reason for laughter in your lives as well.

Monday Monday Day 14

Not a lot to report for today.  Just your regular online work craziness.

Last night something hit me for the first time in my life.  I am terrified now of getting sick, which has never happened before.  It is a new and horrible feeling.

Second Wind is going to see if we can schedule some Zoom time together for singing and playing.

I set my alarm for the 8:00 p.m. howl tonight.  I figured why not?  People are used to hearing coyotes and I'm no louder than vineyard fans blowing or planes (come to think of it, I haven't heard one in a while) or real coyotes.

Becca was going out to her car so I asked her to join me.  She wouldn't but she did laugh with me.  I loved the incredible echoes throughout the valley and did it over and over again.  I didn't hear anyone respond, but maybe next time someone will remember and join in.  I texted my landlady to let her know what I did and invite her to join me next time.  I got all excited going back into the house when I thought I heard someone else do it and so I howled again!  Then Bex said it was the rooster. 😭🐓

You know what was so cool about it?  Besides getting up and going outside in the fresh and crisp night air, hearing the echoes, the sheer exuberance of it all, it felt so powerful and so freeing and invigorating.  No fear.  It was all washed away.

Landlady texted that she will do it with me tomorrow!  We're setting clocks.  We are also thinking about gobbling in the mornings to rile up the crazy turkeys who are noisiest then.

I finished the evening with a final bowl of leftover taco soup and Brenè Brown's The Call to Courage.  I highly recommend it.

With that food for thought and heart, I go to bed before midnight again, though not much before.

We are staying well here and determined not to get sick or pass any infection on to anyone.  I hope you are too.

Sunday Day 13

I ended up going to bed at 2:00 a.m. last "night."  Up at 8:00 a.m with the cat bugging me and some critter under the house.  I just sprayed peppermint under the house last night so that didn't work.  Back to the coyotes and trap again, I suppose.  The problem with my traps is they are moisture sensitive, so they short out when placed outside during rain.  Like this DOWNPOUR that started last night.  The wildlife invasion under the house is annoying.  I haven't seen Ollie with a mouse in a long time.  He's slacking.

I hate rain.  It isn't helping my mood.  The sun did come out later.

The weight loss has changed from a pound a day to half pound a day.  I'll take it.

Both reports were completed today, so I had some free time to play a little music and catch the most recent episode of Outlander.  No cooking today - leftover chicken taco soup was just as good as the first time and just as filling on a chilly evening.

I'd whack some of the weeds down but it's too wet outside now. 

I'd stepped away from the computer and news for a break when my phone lit up with a notification.  I read in disbelief that one of my favorite country artists from the 90s, Joe Diffie, had died from complications of COVID-19.  The expletives in my brain cannot be repeated here.

Click this link to hear one of my many favorites from him - in memory.  Ships That Don't Come In

I got to talk to Angelo for a little bit this evening.  He is so funny and goofy.  Sis talked with Bex and she is enunciating so well!  I miss seeing them, and it was heartbreaking to hear Sis say she wants to come to our house.  Then when Bex said she wasn't sure when she could, Sis said, "You can come to our house!"  I am looking forward to being able to do that again.

I'm headed to bed by 11:00 p.m. and hope to get some good sleep tonight.  I doused around the house with coyote urine again.  Yuck and hope it works.

The good news is we are well and holding up.  I hope you are too.

Day 12

Saturdays aren't as different from the rest of the week except that I don't feel the pressure to work remotely for the law office.  There are still other obligations that keep me busy but a little more time to do things at home.

I got out of bed at 9:00 a.m.  That's way late.  But I only did so because Oliver wouldn't leave me alone.  He wanted food in his bowl and I'm the human who takes care of that.  I was annoyed and creaky but started moving.  I still felt low and hoped music could help me feel better after chores.

The critters behaved except for Salsa, who was determined to attack every other goat on our walk to the pen.  The barn is a mess.  It was my intention in the morning to get outside today to work on things but there is computer work to catch up on while my hand isn't hurting.

When I went to the kitchen on a break from typing, I saw the browning bananas and decided to do something about it, so set about baking some banana bread.  2/3 without nuts, 1/3 with pecans for me.

There is still plenty of cooking to do but that was about it for today.  I am still working on a computer project and focused on that, though I did take a little time to work on music.

When Bex went out to work today (Door Dash) she brought dinner home, so no cooking other than baking banana bread today.

It's been pretty much a normal Saturday, except for my music project.  There is a lot to do on it because I'm learning as I go, but the progress has been fun to hear. 

Friday, Day 11

I woke up a little earlier than I have been.  I haven't been setting the alarm because time has become meaningless.  The sun wakes me in time to take care of the critters and log in to check work e-mails and tasks.

At work we are trying to get funds to a client living in Spain.  Spain!  They are in desperate need and everything is moving too slowly here but we are going to push it as hard as we can.

We're also trying to find a way to keep all three of us afloat through this mess.

I decided to pick up groceries from Jessica's house today, a pre-order that we combined a few days ago.  The plan was to then get more alfalfa too and stop by the post office to mail Mandi's birthday gift.  When I bought alfalfa last, it was just as Sonoma County shut down, I got enough for two weeks and figured everything would be over by then.  My, how things change.  I looked at the half bale left this morning and realized this was not going to go back to normal anytime soon, so I'd best get more before the weekend.

I was in the midst of work when the power went out.  I heard sirens soon after and knew it was probably an accident.  I reported the outage and then received a text that it would be restored by
1:15 p.m.

I had just settled in under an afghan to read when I received word that the groceries were delivered and had been sanitized ready for my pick-up.  So I decided to head out early. 

On my way to town, I saw a power pole literally snapped in two at the center, the top half hanging from wires.  PG&E crews were on scene and I knew this must have been the source of the sirens and power outage.  I hope no one was hurt.

I went to the post office first.  Very few people were there checking their mailboxes, and it was easy to stay clear.  I walked in, dropped my labeled and ready-to-go package on the counter at the designated spot, and took off.

I backed my SUV in near the alfalfa at the feed store and asked for two bales.  As I walked along outside toward the cashier, I spotted lots and lots of vegetable starts.  I had to stop.  I gathered some tomatoes, onions, habanero, serrano, and gypsy peppers, and some basil.  After paying for the hay and plants, using a handy alcohol wipe to handle everything, I was off to my next stop.  I had put some leftover chicken taco soup into a container for Jon and dropped that off at his doorstep, then grabbed a few items of fresh produce from a very sparsely populated Molsberry's Market, easily able to stay six feet from everyone.  Back north to Jessica's to exchange flour, yeast, and limoncello for my groceries, which were sparse because the store didn't have everything I had ordered in stock.

I was able to talk with Mandi on the way home.  I am looking forward to her receiving her gift and hope to video chat with her when she opens it on her birthday, along with her sisters.

This new reality had another effect that I hadn't thought of before - no bathroom use.  I was efficient in my travels and it didn't take too long, but I did definitely needed to use the bathroom as soon as I got home.  There was no place safe to stop.

Dinner was chili cheese dogs using leftover chili.  I have to laugh at memes I am seeing about kids needing to get used to square hot dog and hamburger buns (when people start using bread again for everything).  I am not sure how long I'll use the specialty buns.

I'm low again tonight though and going to bed earlier again, probably around 10:30 p.m.  (That was delayed when Bex wanted to watch a show, which I enjoyed watching with her. <3 p="">
Stay home.  Let the medical personnel have the space and resources to do their jobs the same way we allowed fire and emergency personnel to do theirs with early evacuation last year.

Stay well.  Get rest.  Be good to yourselves.  Build community.  Love your children and your neighbor and the crazy man on the corner.  We're in this together.  I'm tired and I am fighting feeling hopeless, but am also fighting to maintain all the good that I can.

Goodnight.

If It's Thursday, This Must Be Day 10

I actually went to bed at midnight last night.  I think that's the earliest in the last two weeks.  I was kinda proud of myself.

It's really cold this morning and all I wanted to do was stay in bed.  But it's time to move and I was able to get some things accomplished for work before going out to take care of the critters.  It is really hard to type when your fingers are cold.

I've lost another pound.

This despite allowing myself an occasional treat such as Cadbury's mini eggs, a Girl Scout cookie, or - last night - a scoop of coffee ice cream Bex offered.

I did some remote work today but my brain was racing in the morning.  I wasn't sure what to do next.  Maybe bake for a bit. 

I opened the cookbook to look for my popover recipe, but on top was an untested recipe for Slow Cooker Chicken Taco Soup.  I skimmed the ingredients, I have them, so that was started.  It looks like chili (which we are still eating) but it's not the same and there are chicken breasts under that goodness cooking away for 5 hours.  Then I take the meat out, shred it, add back in, cook another 2 hours.

I had the misfortune of hearing our buffoon in chief on the radio while I drove to get the mail this afternoon.  In those few minutes he claimed Canada might be illegally smuggling steel into the US to avoid paying tariffs, which are YUGE, and said that when the medical ship set to go help NYC left harbor in Virginia, he was going to be there to kiss it.  Yes.  He said that.  And then asked if reporters would be there because, he assured them, they could be.  (They shouldn't be!)  As the infection and death toll climbs in our country due to his failure to act promptly, and his continued delays unless US governors "bend the knee" (my paraphrase), he continues to grandstand and do nothing of any significant importance for those who really need help.

Then I spoke to someone I know who is in a roommate situation.  Their roommate had just taken off without a word in a vehicle with someone who lives outside of their home.  Definitely not six feet apart, and in an enclosed environment.  Everyone had been so careful about staying safe in the household, and this threw a huge curve.  The one who left did not respond well to questions via phone in the car and hung up.  So now there is extreme social distancing happening in the household and extreme disinfecting.  Add a dose of resentment and fear.  It's not so good.  The roommate knew better too - maybe they thought they were "safe" with the person they were driving with.  This is so frustrating.

I realized today I can't remember the last time I brushed my hair.  Still brushing my teeth of course - and washing hands so often I need to start keeping moisturizer everywhere.  They're getting as dry as they were during wildfire evacuation. 

It was a low emotion day but not horrible.  Stress hits me in the center of my throat like a brick is sitting there, so I keep wondering if I am getting a sore throat.  I'm not.  Rest, breathing, and refocusing, and the tightness in my throat and jaw goes away.

And the soup turned out great!!

Bedtime at 11:00 p.m. tonight.  Maybe this will be a positive trend.

We are still well.  I hope you are too.

Wednesday - Had to Check

This is similar to last year's wildfire evacuation. All of my routines are dismantled and I often have to check my phone or computer to tell me what day it is.  Looking at the calendar on the wall wouldn't help unless I were crossing off days.  And maybe I should do that beginning with the Sonoma County shutdown order.  That makes this Day 9?  I held onto some normalcy last week with a couple hours in the office - solo trip down in my car and solo day in the office, using alcohol wipes when touching anything - but this week is very different.

I'm not sure what is up with the birds this morning - they are flying in a hurry from time to time, banging into the metal awning.  The jays are back so maybe they're being territorial.  I saw a flash of blue wings during the last bit of ruckus.

I saw a news article today that the New York City morgues are reaching capacity.  It was so horrifying I couldn't share the news.  People will find out on their own without my needing to spread the fear.  I was shocked when the mayor refused to shut down the city last week.  I am still shocked that their expectations for citizens are what ours were in the days before we finally sheltered in place.  People are leaving NYC for other states.  I hope to god they quarantine themselves or they will bring new infection.  I read a post from someone on Facebook that their housemate also rents space as an Air BnB and has not stopped - and has new guests from NYC.  He is afraid to report it because he is afraid of being evicted himself.  Selfish people will be the death of too many.

I have been able to do more remotely working from home today.  Those moments I can dive deep into meaningful work and not be stymied by technological challenges feel really good.

I am making progress on deep learning about my keyboard and its capabilities, as well as how to integrate it with my computer for recording.  With my keyboard hooked up to the laptop and headphones on, listening to what I have been recording, I feel really good and kinda cool.

😆🎹🎵 😎

Someone asked on Facebook what barometer we're living with or seeing these days that tells us that things are different.  For him, it was clean and unused Tupperware, which he used to use and hand wash every day as they were used for work and school lunches. 

My response included:

I am cooking from scratch every meal and not doing takeout. I've lost three pounds this week since I started checking. It's weight worth losing.

Checking my phone to see what day it is.

But most important, I am missing hugging my kids and parents. We have had a weekly "family dinner" with my kids and parents since 1989. I haven't seen my 79 and 80 year old mom and dad since March 6 and do not know when I will be able to. People always say not to take the people we love for granted and to appreciate them because you'll regret it when they are gone.  I am proud to say that I do not ever take them for granted, and even when it has been challenging to make the trip to see them every week, I am always appreciative of the effort they go to in hosting our dinners and of the opportunity to see them so often.  Once I walk through their door, the worries ease and I leave those outside.  I really, really miss seeing them in person.  I would worry more about their health if they weren't so smart, and they are really smart.  They were early adopters of shelter at home and we have always been careful about contagions because Mom is so susceptible.  I still worry, but not to an extreme.

I had leftover pork deliciousness with the salsa I made yesterday over baked potato for dinner tonight.  Simple and so filling.

I worked again with the keyboard and computer in the afternoon and continue to learn new things while playing music.  I discovered that Becca's old Wii mic will plug into the computer and allow vocal recording.  I haven't tried it yet so I have no idea what the quality will be, but the software can take care of some of that if necessary.

I was able to spend some time with Bex one-on-one this evening, which was good.  Good conversations and shared concerns and support.

A friend shared her symptoms today that are in line with COVID-19.  She did not say anything about testing or diagnosis, just that she was being well cared for.  I cried.

I see that our efforts at social distancing and sheltering at home are paying off so far.  May they do so in a big way so we can defeat this bug.  If we all stay put and don't allow it to replicate, it can die instead of us.

We are well and trying to breathe and meditate and reduce stress.  I hope you are too.